What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize
