He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
