I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Welp...herpes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
