I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
A+ Viking dick
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
