Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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