whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
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Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on