i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year