I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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