: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
