sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
