Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
