Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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