My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
