My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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