even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
