I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
