Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
