3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.