hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket