remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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