ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I touched a dick in church today