she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
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good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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