Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
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I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
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I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.