I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.