I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
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You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
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Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you