I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
