took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
