I want to make a zoo with you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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