I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
