what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
