I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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