We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
