he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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