remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
