i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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