dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
