You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
