If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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