I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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