Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
