her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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