It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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