he told me I talked like a deaf person
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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