can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sext me about skeletons
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
