It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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