The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
