Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
