try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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