i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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