I think I won the penis lottery.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
