"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I FOUND THE LEGS
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
