so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
