I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
