yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
id be glad to
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
