End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think I just sharted jello shots
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