wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I can't turn off my feet"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
