dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
