Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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