hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
