Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
