just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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