I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Let's paint friendship bongs
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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