We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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