whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
