I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
