I just saw a hot homeless man
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
