I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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