dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
