Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
