weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
