i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
