He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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