Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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