Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize