No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
