I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
