he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
